Welcome to Adulthood

As the teens of yesterday grow into 20 something adults, here are some notes from a life-time of experience:

The key insight: Fun, excitement and the present moment should be balanced with perspective, discipline and future plans.

(1) Taking care of one's physical and mental health is foundational. It's not easy, but force yourself to eat healthy, drink plenty of water, exercise and above all, get a regular sleep schedule. But that's the easier part. 

(2) For mental health, you need a sense of satisfaction and purpose. Don't always chase happiness and excitement - those are good but are only temporary and lead to hangovers. Instead aim for gratitude, satisfaction and purpose. Those are enduring qualities and have no bad counterparts. Good companions (family, friends, relationships), and a good job are key for this. Yes, there will be ups and downs. It greatly helps to have beliefs, culture and routines whether they are grounded religion or not.

(3) Look at the road ahead: just like in driving you look at the car in front of you, but also pay attention to the upcoming signal; and think about the next turn (and the following one) so that you can be in the correct lane. You need to keep up with your current situation and keep developing yourself - think about your next job and the one after that: focus on growing skills, degrees, jobs and good relationships.

(4) It is hard to resist the temptation to compare your situation with others. Rather than feeling depressed or envious, be aware of those feelings and use it to build motivation and plan ahead. Look at your unique situation (everyone is unique - the good plus bad) and plan to become better.

All of that is easier said than done; but if you are 'mindful' of them and internalize them, that's a great start. You will build a muscle memory over time to act on them.

Being Mindful

In the list of things I wish I had learnt earlier, Mindfulness beats the rest by a wide margin.

Mindfulness is not just 'meditation'; it is certainly not closing your eyes and breathing for 'show', although that's how it begins.

It is a way of life, with two important insights that are realized over and over again:

(a) temporary nature of everything - including physical phenomena, and one's own thoughts, moods and emotions; applies in many different time scales from milliseconds to decades

(b) only thing that's real is the present moment; everything else is just thought; this leads to a better acceptance of past, deeper gratitude for the present, and an aspiration and planning for the future.

Although one needs dedicated practice (hence the closing of eyes and focusing on breathing) to begin to develop this 'muscle memory', the vast majority of the skill is built over a life-time - understanding the above two lessons and integrating them into thoughts and behavior again and again. There will be setbacks despite the best intentions (e.g., a bad moment, bad day or a bad year), but the key is recognize those moments and 'begin again'.

By far the best resource for this process is: https://www.youtube.com/@WakingUpApp. Takes only minutes to start. If you can not afford the subscription, they are kind enough to gift it to you for an year based on your request. I am a life-time subscriber and a fan.

Science of the Mind

There are many examples of simple, profound insights leading to revolutionary scientific breakthroughs  - e.g., theory of evolution, movement of tectonic plates, etc. 

One such profound insight had the misfortune to be originated in the East - the insight into the human mind and the nature of self by Buddha in 6th century. Humanity would have been much better-off if this was starting point for scientific exploration into the nature of human mind, rather than the current historical evolution of those insights turning into yet another organized religion. Just as modern science celebrates Darwin as the father of theory of evolution, it would be recognizing Buddha as the father of the theory of human mind. Psychology as a discipline would have been on a totally different track.

Religious dogma always ends with 'because it said so' - as opposed to scientific process, which takes a concept, shapes it and makes it better/truer over time - sometimes into contradictory directions (e.g., conventional mechanics to quantum mechanics) before reconciling everything. It does not care about one person's words centuries ago - we read Charles Darwin these days to understand how his theory came about, and not take all his words as 'gospel' in this current knowledge environment; e.g., DNA was not known in his time, and he could not have gotten all the details correct. Religion was thus the wrong track of development for those simple, true insights into the theory of mind and application in practice.

Instead, scientific process could have evolved the insights of theory of mind into better theories and practical applications. Psychology and associated medicine has done a large disservice to humanity, basing their practices on intricacies of neuroscience or very high level empirical observations, obsessing over naming and classification of conditions. [Yes, there are deeply conditioned behaviors and abnormalities that need special attention and professional 'external' intervention - but no need to start with those heavy-duty tools for everyone, thus depriving a large population of simple tools]. These insights into the theory of mind were very simple, but not fully adopted by the scientific professions of psychology and medicine for their day-to-day well-being benefit - yet.

Now, after centuries, western science is discovering the power of these insights into the theory of mind, while East is still stuck on its religious track.

These simple original 6th century insights are:

(1) everything is temporary: whatever arises, will also pass away. This insight applies in multiple time frames - from microseconds (thoughts, feeling, emotions) to decades (behavior, beliefs, conditioning) or centuries (cultural norms, state of civilization) and everything in between.

(2) our awareness is vast, exists independent of its 'content' and is thus inherently empty. The nature of awareness can be glimpsed independent of its content with lots of practice (to break decades of habitual conditioning); this would lead to a realization of non-permanence of things, and thus non-attachment to temporary phenomena - a truly 'better' state of being. In most cases, this also provides a framework for deeply exploring/acknowledging one's past and potentially moving beyond it.

(3) these temporary (and ever-changing) phenomena include:
. stimulus that's sensed by physiology: sights, sounds, sensations etc
. emotions, moods, etc., that arise in the mind
. appearances or illusions of self, free-will
. longer term behavior/conditioning: sense of purpose, motivation, ethics, values etc

This simplicity (the recognition of non-permanence, and the steps to letting go) was spelled out in 6th century! These are meant to be simple, intuitive and easy to follow every day principles/guidelines for the secular-minded. Have tried to avoid esoteric, spiritual, new-age terminology; in the paragraphs below, please take the word 'meditation' (which has various connotations) to just mean 'to be intentionally aware'.

In order to put this into practice, one doesn't need to follow any dogma, just start experiencing it oneself. The best tool out there is mindfulness; here are some of the pointers I have found valuable:

- Waking Up app (practice and theory) by Sam Harris,
- Insight Hour podcast with lots of lectures by Joseph Goldstein,
- Insight Timer app that has many lectures, tools etc.
- Book by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche titled "The Joy of Living"

Here is a simple starting point: install the (free) Insight Timer app. It has hundreds of free meditation, sounds, configurable timers etc. But for the first time, select meditation, followed by mindfulness, choose shortest length (< 5 min), and select one (e.g., Hugh Byrne, 4m), just follow his instructions.

The above are just starting points and suggestions for initial tools; for regular practice, after following some of these for a few months, a simple anchor (e.g., breath) and focused observation of passing phenomena is all that is needed. These can be done literally any time, sitting, walking, laying down. There will really be no such thing as boredom, since that feeling itself will be an object worthy of exploration.

This solid foundation can then be coupled with the following for a fulfilled living:

- deep sense of appreciation and gratitude for the universe, life, and awareness
- can do attitude, which comes from freedom from illusion of control
- self-confidence, that arises from focus, and realization of temporary nature of setbacks

Being organized

Modern tools can be used to stay organized; helping to: avoid anxiety, keep calm and sleep better. Here is what works for me:

• Phone clock alarm: schedule recurring alarms based on day of the week. Leave it enabled all the time.
• Google Calendar: schedule all recurring and one-time events, generate notifications 5-10 min ahead where applicable. 
• Always put in events as you learn about them (e.g., when getting emails, reading web sites etc) before forgetting
• Google Keep: Check-box Todo list works well to keep track of near term items
• Chrome Bookmarks: Use a browser bookmark bar with folders and sub-folders. Helps to reach frequently-used websites quickly.
• Social media: minimize or remove push notifications to avoid distractions to your present task. Instead check them yourself, but avoid checking immediately before or immediately after bed-time.
• Disciplined schedule-check times: Check Calendar and Keep once before bed (will help rest calmly) and once after waking up (will help plan your day). Ask yourself if alarm is correct for tomorrow - most of the time it should be, if you set it up correctly.

Keeping Calm

For the secularly minded, a basic understanding of science is a good start to establish the motivation and approach to keeping calm. Here are some of the facts to internalize:

• everything, including humans, is made of raw materials forged in stars
• all life including human, has evolved based on two goals: survival and reproduction
• many such science facts are both humbling and liberating, from spiritual and practical perspectives respectively:
• earth is located in an ordinary corner in the vast space of the universe 
• humans are yet another experiment in evolution over a long period of time
• it is humbling to learn that all life has no inherent purpose beyond what evolution bestowed upon it; it is also liberating that we are free to 'make up' our own purpose for the sake of  day-to-day life: 
• either long term and profound like 'solve world hunger'
• short-term and mundane like 'get through this semester and then figure out'

This is a very good book to gain a detailed understanding of what drives our behavior. One way of summarizing the book is along a feelings-actions-conditioning model:

• we have no control over our thoughts and feelings which arise without our knowledge and control in our brain 
• feelings give rise to our immediate actions, which are somewhat under our control, although not entirely
• probability with which feeling and actions occur is driven by our physiology, environment, genetics and past learning - loosely called: conditioning
• While conditioning influences our feeling and actions, it is also built over a long a period of time by our experience of feelings and past actions. Hence these three form a causal loop.

It is humbling to learn that there is no 'self' that is causing and driving our actions; it is also liberating to learn that all our feelings (and hence suffering in the moment) are transient. This exact transient nature of all our experience can be glimpsed with mindfulness meditation, which focuses all attention to the 'present'. Because we are not even aware of the mental processes happening autonomously, it takes a lot of effort and focus to appreciate and experience them as they arise. Fully experiencing this can take years of practice; but, a realization of the transient nature of our feelings and suffering can be glimpsed with just a few sessions of 10 minute practice.

This is a great place to begin that practice.

Well being

With electronics everywhere, it is natural to equate our body mechanisms to a 'logical' machine. Reality is: it is a complex system of many parts that need conscious attention for overall well being. Although the body is more forgiving to occasional indulgences until age 30 or so, the key word is 'occasional' - and not let it become a 'habit'. Ancient cultures developed many best practices, that modern medicine and scientific practice is now supporting. Here are my picks:

1. Eating well: We are a biological ecosystem with more gut microbes than human cells. They need to be 'trained', fed and maintained. Otherwise, you get bloated feeling, constipation etc. Best practices here are: good hydration, eating when hungry, not over-eating, balancing nutrition (nuts, fruits and vegetables should be part of the diet), including variety and spices. Avoid sugar, minimize grains.

2. Sleeping: Sleep is vital to rebuild physical and mental energy. Adults need 7-9 hours of sleep a day. Children and teens need even more. To get 8-9 hours of sleep in a typical school or work schedule (starting at 7am) you need to start sleeping at 10pm. Here is a table of sleep requirements by age.

3. Breathing: Deep breaths with pause (slow and deep breath in, pause, slow and deep breath out) are better than shallow ones. Most times we do not focus on this activity, and that's OK. Conscious, frequent focusing on breathing during the day does two things: helps you breath better, and also cleanses and helps to focus a wandering mind - see point 5 below.

4. Posture: Human body has evolved not to efficiently sit, yet we spend most time doing just that. Standing, walking, even lying down during the day is better. Like breathing, just paying attention to our posture (how the backbone is shaped currently) is the majority of the battle. Here is a good video to watch: Why Sitting Down Destroys You 

5. Activity: Another fact of human evolution is our walking. Over a mere tens of thousands of years,  we went everywhere on the planet - just by walking. Our body is built for walking, running and activity. Unless we turn back evolution by engineering a new species designed for sitting (which will happen in a few centuries), we are now stuck with having to move every day. I have become obsessed with maintaining my Google Fit app so that it shows that 'active-time' for at least one hour every day for a whole year.

6. Mindfulness: Human brain is a wonder. The ability to think, while improving our survival and comfort over the centuries, also cultivates habit-forming negatively charged emotions that sometimes can result in irreversibly harmful actions. Conscious awareness of our thought patterns - including positive and negative emotions is the goal of mindfulness. My favorite here is Sam Harris and his book, podcasts and various materials on Waking Up. This journey is worth pursuing over a life time. Here is a short video: Waking Up

Is it OK to Skip Breakfast?

In summary: most of the legitimate, recent research recommends that you eat breakfast if, and only if, you are hungry in the morning; and if you do eat, prefer protein-rich foods. Most importantly, don't feel bad about skipping breakfast, or feel compelled into eating. 

In the big picture beyond just breakfast, if you cultivate the habit of listening to your own body's needs and eat when you are hungry, and eat healthy (no high sugar, high salt stuff) most of the time (of course, splurge once in a while), you are good. Keep in mind that medications (such as for diabetes) permanently damage your ability to instinctually listen to genuine signals from the body, so you need additional brain power to tune out false body signals in that case.

Here are 4 articles each with references that make the above point:

• Sorry, There’s Nothing Magical About Breakfast
• Breakfast Backtrack: Maybe Skipping The Morning Meal Isn't So Bad
• Ask Well: Does Skipping Breakfast Cause Weight Gain?
• Is Skipping Breakfast Bad For You? The Surprising Truth
• The science of skipping breakfast: How government nutritionists may have gotten it wrong

Here are the articles on the other side of the argument, not compelling enough or only applicable to limited segments; e.g., for high performance athletes, pregnant mothers, and other individuals, breakfast has benefits. I also suspect this may not apply to young children, say, under 10 years of age, where the wisdom of mothers prevail. Interesting that the results found by googling for "breakfast most important meal of the day" mostly fell into the previous category, except for the following two.

• Is Breakfast Really Your Most Important Meal?
• Why Breakfast Is the Most Important Meal of the Day
• WHY IS BREAKFAST IMPORTANT? (scroll to the bottom, you will see that this web site is sponsored by cereal and agriculture industry lobby; their primary focus is profit, your health is important but secondary)